1) Choose one paragraph from your Konnikova assignment response. Go through the paragraph sentence by sentence with specificity in mind. Revise and rewrite the paragraph to make it more specific, but try not to lengthen the paragraph too much. Think about word choice, clarity, and using your own voice. Post each paragraph (clearly marked “before” and “after”) to your ePortfolio as “Konnikova Revision.” Then, write 1-2 paragraphs detailing the specific improvements you made and why you made them. Did they help? How did your adjustments impact paragraph length? Clarity? Practice uploading as a new Post on your ePortfolio site.

BEFORE

One concern, though, is that some social skills may not develop as effectively when so many interactions exist online. We learn how we are and aren’t supposed to act by observing others and then having opportunities to act out our observations ourselves. We aren’t born with full social awareness, and Dunbar fears that too much virtual interaction may subvert that education. “In the sandpit of life, when somebody kicks sand in your face, you can’t get out of the sandpit. You have to deal with it, learn, compromise,” he said. “On the internet, you can pull the plug and walk away. There’s no forcing mechanism that makes us have to learn.” If you spend most of your time online, you may not get enough in-person group experience to learn how to properly interact on a large scale—a fear that, some early evidence suggests, may be materializing. “It’s quite conceivable that we might end up less social in the future, which would be a disaster because we need to be more social—our world has become so large” Dunbar said. The more our virtual friends replace our face-to-face ones, in fact, the more our Dunbar number may shrink.

AFTER

  From the increasing amount of social media use, there comes the concern that real world social skills may not develop as strongly. This is due to the fact that many interactions have moved online and therefore limit the amount of physical and social interaction someone experiences. I learned how I should present myself and act in social situations, from my past experiences in them. For example, I recently just had to have a meeting with a woman in the student access center who I didn’t know. I was able to have a successful face to face meeting and I knew how to present myself. We all know communication over  social media and even email is far easier than face to face. Dunbar does fear that too much virtual interaction will change the way we interact with others, and believes that he is totally right. People aren’t born with complete social awareness, they need to experience and grow from embarrassment, conflict, and joy that you experience in day to day social interactions. Dunbar mentioned, “In the sandpit of life, when somebody kicks sand in your face, you can’t get out of the sandpit. You have to deal with it, learn, compromise,” he said. “On the internet, you can pull the plug and walk away. There’s no forcing mechanism that makes us have to learn.” It’s quite possible that in the future we, as a population, may become less social. This would be detrimental to society as we need to be more social with the growing world. The more people we are friends with online rather than in person, the more the Dunbar number will decrease.

Why I wrote what I did

I chose this paragraph to rewrite because it was the conclusion of Konnikovas article where the topic, dunbars numbers, and a good amount of personal opinion were all included. I felt that I could relate more to this paragraph and add in my own opinion while having an outline to go by. I decided to keep this paragraph around the same length as the original paragraph. To rewrite this paragraph I decided to go sentence by sentence so I could closely read and rewrite little by little. I wrote what came to me as I reread the original paragraph. As I am writing this response to why I did what I did I see myself going back and revising my altered paragraph. I don’t believe that in my rewrite I changed a whole lot, I did add in first person pronouns. As well as my own opinion and experiences. I tried to add my voice into my rewrite as well.