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I think the second peer review was more beneficial than the last. I was able to receive some good feedback about what I did well and where I could improve. I was also able to get ideas on where I can add more to lengthen my essay. I don’t mind if someone tears apart my essay so I do feel like my peer could have been a little more critical of my essay. Either way for some reason I am almost at a loss of words when it comes to writing this paper. Nothing is coming to me while writing this so fairly soon I will be asking prof Brod to review it. I know I have a lot to improve on or I may just be being a little hard on myself. 

As for my correction to my peers’ essay I think that also went fairly well. I believe I was able to give them some good feedback and they had a great start. It definitely seemed like that had put some time into their writing which was nice to read.

 10/17

Using the handout from class, create your own Barclay style paragraph making a claim of your choosing. Label each section of your paragraph with the corresponding symbol [C] for claim, {Q1 for first quote] and so on. You might choose to use actual sources (from online or elsewhere) to support your claim, or you may choose to make up your sources (as we did in class). Have fun with it. Upload as an ePortfolio Blog Post (“Barclay Paragraph Practice”).

[C] The Honda Accord is the most reliable car out there, surpassing any other car being sold today. [I] From personal experience and known sources, one can see how a Honda Accord will never die. [Q1] According to a 2001 Honda Accord owner, Patrick Maloney, “Rhonda will never stop. She has three hundred thousands miles and has surpassed the life of another car my family has owned” (32). [E] In other words, not many cars live to see 300 thousand miles and this honda accord isn’t stopping anytime soon. It has been in his family for over 10 years and has outlasted every other vehicle his family has owned. [T] Miles can’t stop an Accord and neither can its lack of oil.[Q2] Scott Kaufman, a youtuber, has experimented with an old Accord, “I ran this car without oil for 7 minutes before it stopped. No other car has been able to go that long without oil” (87). [Ce] When it comes to an Accord, the reliability of the car and the engine itself is no match to other cars. An accord with out life any of the cars you see on the road today.

For Friday: Read Chapter 8 – “As A Result” – Connecting the Parts, in They Say/I Say (pp. 107-122), then: Complete Exercise #3 on p. 122 using two paragraphs (connected) from your first essay. Post your response to your ePortfolio titled “Connecting the Parts.”

1. transitions, pointing terms, repetition and key terms are bolded
2. I think the only pattern i see is that I use a lot of the word ‘that’, and ‘social media’. I noticed that I do rely on pointing terms very heavily.

When I was younger I used to think that I needed the newest iPod touch or was jealous when my friends got their first phone. Over the last couple of years, I’ve seen all the negative things social media brings: the obsession over instagram likes, the worry about losing followers, the controversy, the bullying and the feeling of being left out. Through these observations I’ve come to realize and value the importance of in-person conversation. I personally prefer to meet and talk to people in person and I think eye contact is key. I’ve noticed a decrease in eye contact during conversation as people glance down at their phone or use them to send a message to someone else. Through the pandemic I’ve also been able to see the value of in-person connections, such as a hug or high-five over the year and a half. Everything moved online and that in-person aspect was lost. I’ve come to realize that I think I would thrive living in a world without social media, as I’ve always done better with conversations in person. Since that is an unrealistic thought, I think that myself and many others would benefit from finding the correct balance between in-person and online communications and connections. During the pandemic I wasn’t able to see my best friend, they are the person that can make everything better just by holding my hand. I think I realized the importance of touch as Dunbar and Konnikova mention, with this person. Online interactions with them were great and with social media communication came easily, but after months of not seeing each other the in-person communication felt more natural. There were more laughs and I could see them smiling where I couldn’t see that over the phone, we were happier that way. From my experience, social media can make communication fast and easy, but it is nothing compared to genuine in-person interactions that I would much rather have. 

Admittedly, online interactions with them were great and with social media communication came easily. Nevertheless, after months of not seeing each other the in-person communication felt more natural. There were more laughs and I could see them smiling where I couldn’t see that over the phone, we were happier that way. In other words, social media can make communication fast and easy, but it is nothing compared to genuine in-person interactions that I would much rather have. 

Between Konnikova and Chen’s articles we see a connection between the two of them as you read deeper into both. On the surface, we see one article addressing the importance of in-person communication and physical touch. On the other hand, we see how twitter allowed  a woman to grow as a person and learn about the values of online connections. In the end of both, the in-person aspects of human touch and connection continue to be the factor that makes relationships stick. From my experiences, social media and online communication are often used as a placeholder for the in person aspects, but it never truly feels the same. The gentle touch of someone comforting you, or a hug after a long day can really make everything feel okay. From my experience, it’s a rare occurrence that you will start laughing from something on your phone when sitting by yourself compared to when you are with someone or a group of people.

1. In 300 words or less, summarize the speech and show (with framed quotes and paraphrases from the text) what you believe to be the author’s three main points/arguments. Support with textual evidence and include your own initial response to the material.

David Foster Wallace addresses the 2005 graduating class of Kenyon college. He talks about the beginning processes of having a meaningful life. I think through his speech he has more than just three main points, as he is constantly saying things to make the audience think about their own life. So with that I will try my best to choose what I believe to be the main takeaways I noticed. Wallace believes, “blind uncertainty, a close-mindedness that amounts to an imprisonment so total tha the prisoner doesn’t even know he’s locked up” (Wallace 2). Two people can experience one event and it can mean two completely different things to them and how they construct meaning from that event. Another main point I believe would be “learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think” (Wallace 3). Wallace continues to mention how people should try to alter the way they think to allow for them to be able to construct meaning from experiences. Wallace also believes that “petty, frustrating crap like this [trip to the store] is exactly where the work of choosing is going to come in” (Wallace 4). Life isn’t perfect and it’s frustrating, but it is important to make valuable meaning from all events, good or bad and learn to be aware. 

2. Do you agree with DFW’s main arguments? Why or why not?

In most ways I do agree with DFW’s arguments because they all go back to thinking beyond just yourself. The world we live in is complicated and complex and we are not the center of it. 

3. Is DFW talking about, or referring to empathy (though he never uses the word)? Or is he hinting at something else?

I think he refers to empathy in some ways as a couple of things he says takes sides and is very similar to what Bloom wrote about. DFW doesn’t need to say the word empathy and it can be implied when one realizes the world doesn’t revolve around them. 

4. Find one DFW quote that evoked a strong response. Paste the direct quote from his piece, then write a few sentences in which you challenge or support his statement.

“the exact same experience can mean two totally different things to two different people, given those people’s two different belief templates and two different ways of constructing meaning from experience” (Wallace 2). I thought this quote was very interesting to read because not many people realize this part of experience. How every single thing that one person sees and experiences is going to be completely different for another person. I completely agree with this as meaning that is taken away from experiences are all going to change depending on the person you ask.

1. 400 words or less, summarize the piece AND show (with framed quotes and paraphrase from the text) what you believe to be the author’s three main points/arguments. Support with textual evidence and include your own initial response to the material.

Throughout this article written by Paul Bloom, empathy is referred to as a spotlight. Empathy can be positive but “spotlights have a narrow focus, and this is the problem with empathy” (Bloom 1). There are too many people in this world for just one person to feel empathy for all of them. People can only truly feel empathy for 1-3 people before it just becomes too many different emotions. Bloom also believes, “Empathy distorts our moral judgements in pretty much the same way that prejudice does” (Bloom 1). We are more easily able to empathise with people who we share similarities with. I can better understand and feel empathy for one of my close friends than for a child who lives on the other side of the world. Lastly Bloom argues, “ what really matters for kindness in our everyday life interactions is not empathy but the capacities such as self-control and the intelligence and a more diffuse compassion” (Bloom 4). There are some better alternatives instead of using empathy that Bloom mentions. Bloom also references Sandy Hook and how as a country we were all devastated by that tragic event. But over in Chicago many more children have died than during Sandy hook. It is easier to give empathy for single events and these events pinpoint the fact that empathy has limitations. It’s not that we do not care about all the lives lost in Chicago over the years, but we are single people who do not have enough empathy for other people. It’s not that we don’t care, it’s more so the fact that we tend to focus on the people around us. Empathy can work in smaller situations when someone needs you to be there for them but on a more global level empathy is not good enough. 

2. Do you agree with Bloom’s main arguments? Why or why not?

I more so disagree with what Bloom says. I agree with the fact that people do not have enough empathy to feel what everyone else feels, which I don’t think people should be able to do that to begin with. I use and value empathy on a daily basis on a smaller, more personal level. I think it’s important to care and be informed about global issues and events, but I don’t think you need to feel empathy for them, as it is impossible to do. Empathy is more important between family and other close relationships that people hold. 

3. In what ways does Bloom challenge your initial understanding or perception regarding empathy?

I think he began to challenge my initial perception of empathy by relating it to a spotlight. I never considered that analogy before as I’ve always been told empathy is putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. By being in someone else’s shoes it doesn’t address the fact about the spotlight. Spotlights have narrow focuses and they are able to light up what they are pointed at. Which in terms of empathy, this means that sure empathy can work but empathy us biased and small. You are choosing who to be empathic and you can only truly be empathic for so many people.  

4. Find one claim Bloom makes that evoked a strong response. Paste the direct quote from his piece, then write a few sentences in which you challenge OR support his claim in your own words.

“But what we can’t do is empathise with all of them” (Bloom 3). As much as I want to be able to, there is no way for myself to feel what hundreds to thousands of people are truly feeling. Throughout this article many of Bloom’s claims made me think as most of it is very well written. He continuously validates his opinions with logical responses. As for this claim I think it is something very important to remember even on a smaller scale. Bloom’s dislike to simply put is that there isn’t enough. I agree with that point but I do believe that you can and should still continue to use it for close relationships with friends and family. As for Bloom’s claim I think it is important to take it little by little and remember this before you are becoming burnt out by trying to empathize with too many people.

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10/4 paper 1 reflection

1. What was your final thesis statement? Paste, then analyze its strengths & weaknesses

“Even though social media allows us to communicate with anyone anywhere, online connections are not equivalent to the benefits of in-person relationships, such as touch, shared real-time experience, and listening. “

I would say my thesis statement length is a little on the longer side so I could find some ways to shorten and consolidate it. My thesis also addresses a pro and then con of social media so it shows that I am not overly biased. Adding in specific examples of how in person interactions are more beneficial also strengthens my thesis as well. I also think there will always be ways for me to improve my thesis statements, so I will always be open to that. 

2. In a separate paragraph, describe what you learned or were reminded of about your own writing process, from completing Paper #1. 

During this essay I was reminded about how long it takes me to write essays. I never seem to know what to talk about. Some people just need a little help starting and once they do they don’t stop. I am in fact not like that. From this I always try to plan out my essays on paper and write down what each paragraph will be about. I also found it really helpful on how I did my annotations on the articles we read. I was easily able to go back, find, and reference specific spots, without any hassle. 

3. In another paragraph: Which aspect of revision did you focus on most during your revisions? What changes or adjustments made your essay stronger? Be specific. 

During the revision process, I focused on a couple parts of my essay. I wanted to make sure my thesis was strong and have each paragraph relate back to my thesis. I know in the past I tend to trail off sometimes and I am not always the best at using the last sentence of each paragraph to relate back to the thesis. I definitely focused on doing that in this essay. I also don’t believe I was ever formally taught how to write a thesis, so having professor Brod’s suggestion to add in specific examples was very helpful in strengthening my thesis.

4. In another paragraph: How might you approach Paper #2 differently, from pre-reading and annotating, all the way through completion of your final draft? 

For this upcoming paper, I will read deeper in “They Say I Say” to make sure I understand the requirements for naysayers. I do believe I stayed on track and was well prepared when it came to annotating and planning my draft all the way through revisions. If anything, I think after I submit this to my portfolio I will go over and read what the second essay will be about. This will allow me to be more specific with my annotations and how they can directly relate back to the essay topic.