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(Recursive Process) – Demonstrate the ability to approach writing as a recursive process that requires substantial revision of drafts for content, organization, and clarity (global revision), as well as editing and proofreading (local revision). (word count 542)

Before starting this class, I was always told that revisions consisted of correcting sentence level errors and nothing more. This was always a rushed process and never really contributed to improving the development of my writing. I never really thought anything of it because my essays were on the stronger side throughout highschool. However, I am usually tough on myself so I felt as if I needed to do more to improve my essay than just grammar correction. I didn’t understand how to do so until this year. I’ve been able to incorporate my own voice and experiences into my writing which has made such a difference. Throughout this semester what I wanted to say has come easier to me as I haven’t felt restricted on the use of my own voice.

I had never heard of global revision until this semester, and my appreciation for it grew during the revision process that you (Prof Brod) and my peers had to offer. In previous years, when revising my peers’ work I would try to add in ways they could further improve their writing but I never considered doing it on my own writing. Now, I am able to go through my own work and identify areas where improvement is needed, or places to expand or change. 

I have never quite grasped the concept of a well worded thesis. I never knew exactly what needed to be said until working through the thesis workshops this semester. I’ve looked back at the rough draft thesis from essay two which was oddly worded and didn’t truly address the claim of my essay (Image 1).

 I knew while writing this draft thesis that it needed to be reworded to better address my claim but I was unable to find a way to make that happen. Luckily, I was able to discuss this thesis statement with my peer review partner as well as writing this up on the board during one of the thesis workshops. I gained a better understanding of how to write a thesis, and through the revision process was able to create a clear, well written thesis that I was proud of (Image 2). 

Ever since I can remember my conclusions were a fourth of the size of my introductions and I never spent too much time on them. I started out the semester with the same mindset as the conclusion in my first essay was cut and dry (Image 3). It was a total of three sentences and didn’t incorporate any what if questions to make the reader think. It didn’t didn’t fit with the rest of my essay.

From the global revision process I was able to expand my conclusions which allowed for my essay to end just as strong as it started. Before this process my conclusions always lacked depth and were quickly written. After taking the time to come back to my conclusion I was able to add more which allowed for it to reflect the length of my introduction. For my final draft I slowed down and reworked my conclusion, I made sure it didn’t sound rushed. I was able to expand on it which allowed my essay to come to a closing in a strong manner (Image 4).

(Sentence-Level Error) – Control sentence-level error (grammar, punctuation, spelling) (word count 167)

I have always struggled with this area, as my drafts are scattered with grammar, punctuation, and spelling mistakes. Usually, by the final draft I am able to get most of the errors squared away, but it always seemed that even my final papers included simple errors. I kept this in mind with the start of the first paper in this class. I also went into this class just placing commas where I believed they fit, not paying attention to proper sentence structure. I never understood how to exactly use a colon or semicolon in my writing so I began a little mission to do so.

With the use of workshops in class, as well as through time, I ended up being able to properly use a colon and a semicolon in my writing. I think through using these two simple techniques I allow my writing to flow a little better. To me, it makes my writing sound a little more professional without creating any run on sentences.

 (Document Work MLA) – Document their work using appropriate conventions (MLA) (Word count 203)

All throughout highschool, MLA formatting was strictly enforced. If we forgot to cite something, or made a mistake in citations we were at risk of losing points, and being accused of plagiarism. I was quite afraid of this, so I began to over worry about my works cited or in text citations. However, during my last year and a half of highschool I didn’t write a single paper. With that being said, I was a little rusty going into this year’s essays. I ended up not remembering to put a proper MLA header at the top of my first essay as you can see below. 

I also learned that after introducing the quote with the author, you do not need to use the author’s name in the intext citation. 

As for my work cited I needed to refresh myself on how to correctly cite with the use of “The Little Seagull”. I do still need to work on my citations as I did not remember how many different ways there are to cite literally any source. I will be keeping that book handy though as I also used it to cite my sources for my bio species report which was in CSE format.

(Peer Review) – Be able to critique their own and others’ work by emphasizing global revision early in the writing process and local revision later in the process. (Word count 486)

Peer reviewing in highschool consisted of correcting sentence level errors. My peers and I would read each other’s essays and only look for spelling mistakes, run on sentences, or grammar errors. This was in hopes to make our writing flow more smoothly, but looking back now that did not truly improve any of our essays. Feedback and critiquing was little to none and there wasn’t a real difference from rough to final draft. I was alway walking away from these peer reviews with the exact same essay I walked in with.

That is different for me now, as I am not afraid to give constructive feedback on my peers’ work. I do believe that I can actively read and edit my peers’ work, and give beneficial criticism that will improve their papers. The peer review guideline has been very helpful to reference but I would have to give the most credit to my sister. She has been editing my essays for as long as I can remember and from discussing and reading her feedback I have been able to learn to edit how she does. I believe I am able to thoroughly and thoughtfully respond to my peers’ work which allows them to excel in their writing. 

With our last essay I found myself thoroughly reading and responding to my peers’ essays. I informed her where I believe she was doing well and places where I felt needed work. Unfortunately, I do not have the best photos from reviewing my peers’ work.

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Above you can see only some of the comments I made on my peers’ draft for the second essay. I addressed areas where my peer could add in their own voice as well as giving suggestions on how to improve the flow throughout their essay. I also mentioned how they could review the book “They Say I Say” to find some nice transitions. I end with a final comment telling them what parts I liked and why, as well as parts and places to improve on. 

The images below are just a few of my comments on my peer during the final essay. I can see an improvement in how my editing has improved as I begin to give more valuable comments and ways of improvement in specific locations.

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Although, I will say I strayed away from the peer review guidelines, I was still able to give constructive feedback, and more of it for a matter of fact. Many of my peers who I worked with would strictly stick to the guide and only provide me with very few comments that did not entail how I could improve. Much of the feedback I would review consisted of identifying my thesis, or telling me where I did a good job. Overall, through the peer review process I have been able to identify areas needed of  improvement, as well as gaining more confidence in my writing ability.

(Active Reading) – Employ techniques of active reading, critical reading, and informal reading response for inquiry, learning, and thinking. (Word count 387)

Each year, annotating meant something different. For me personally, it consisted of mostly highlighting whatever I felt seemed important and by the time I needed to use the article for an essay all the “annotating” I did meant nothing to me. I would sometimes highlight entire paragraphs which did not help me in the slightest. This was a common occurrence and by the end of highschool I no longer even annotated articles, I would just highlight a quote I liked. When receiving the annotation guide at the beginning of this year I realized that there was more to annotations than just highlighting, and for a matter of fact I believe I used a highlighter only once this year. 

Looking back now, I can definitely see clear improvement in my annotations which led to a better understanding of the articles. This was very beneficial when it came to using the articles in my essay. I was able to form opinions, create an extended response, as well as asking questions. 

Annotating to understand the text, as well as questioning what I was reading guided me the most throughout my marking of articles. An example of both understanding the text and questioning can be found in Paul Bloom’s article “Is Empathy Overrated” (Image 1).

Starting right off on page one I am forming my own opinion as well as defining words I am unsure of to better my understanding. The dark green refers to words I needed a definition for and the light green were my thoughts along the way as well as important points to refer back to. I chose to underline and box words or sentences that I deemed important. I was able to use these annotations to help create a claim and respond to the informal reading response questions (image 2).  

Another way I was able to express my thoughts and extend my understanding of a reading was in Garnetter Cadogen’s personal piece, “Walking While Black”. I was able to explore relationships between this piece with the world, and personal experience (Image 3).

From my connections I was able to create a text to self connection and add in my own personal experience. This allowed me to make my own meaning from what I read and begin to create an almost connection between me and the author in my own essay (Image 4).

(Integrating Ideas) – Be able to integrate their ideas with others using summary, paraphrase, quotation, analysis, and synthesis of relevant sources. (Word count 342)

Looking back now, my writing lacked an important aspect, my voice. Before this class started my essays never included my voice, experiences, or opinions. I was told to not use any first person pronouns and that was that. As for quoting, my introduction into the quote was there but not by much. It would be a mix of this author “wrote”, or they “stated”. I would then throw in a quote and give no explanation aftward. Most of my writing was a summary.

As the semester has progressed with the use quote sandwiches my voice in my essay is being heard. My quote integration and analysis has grown to support my claim and further improve my writing ability. I have found new ways to relate a quote and analysis back to my claim while also being able to incorporate my own thoughts. I have continuously throughout the semester used the quote sandwich to frame every single quote I used. This became an easy way to lengthen my writing and make it more interesting.

Below in the next image (1) from my first essay the introduction into the quote flows nicely. I start strong by stating my claim and immediately after the quote paraphrase it in my own words making my own meaning from this. I finish off my explanation relating it all back to my thesis.

Another example would be in my second essay where I use a quote sandwich to unpack the meaning and relation of the quote back to my essay. In the pink I start off with my introduction and I transition into my quote. I have begun to better understand unpacking quotes and I can say I have a better understanding of how to expand on a quote then I did during essay 1. I paraphrase what Wallace says and proceed to begin to bring my own opinion and thoughts into my writing as I relate it back to my claim. I am no longer summarizing the quote but instead adding in my own inside thoughts and beliefs. 

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1. In a separate ePortfolio post, answer the following question: In what specific ways does Serhan & McLaughlin’s essay connect with concepts/ideas from our previous prompt readings (Konnikova, Chen, Bloom, and DFW)? Be as specific as possible, and answer in a couple of well-developed paragraphs. Use at least two quotes (framed, of course) from the Serhan/McLaughlin essay as part of your response. Title post “Text to Text Connections.”

Serhan and Mclaughlin’s article is able to connect back to really all of the prior articles we have read for our past essays. Serhan and Mclaughlins article discuss the xenophobia towards the asian population, in relation to the Covid-19 pandemic. We are able to read direct quotes from people who were negatively affected by the prejudice that virus brought with it.  Within Adrian’s Chen’s article, “Unfollow”, the reader can immediately see the hatred, discrimination, and prejude that the baptist church projects through pickets and online tweets. Chen writes, “‘eventually, the targets broadened such that everyone was the target” (Chen 6). In other words, anyone who wasn’t a part of the baptist church was considered a target. This can be related back to the discrimation on people of color, because in Megan Phelps roper’s eyes, they were different from her. She and the church considered them to be inferior.

Again we are able to connect Serhan and Mclaughlin’s article back to former writer David Foster Wallace and his speech, “This is Water”. As he addresses the concept of rewiring your own thinking to be aware and sympathetic of others we can use what Wallace says in our lives today. Wallace writes, “learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think” (Wallace 3). What Wallace is trying to say is that we have the capability of controlling how and what we think, all it takes is practice. On this note, what Wallace preaches becomes crucial with the ongoing xenophobia of the asian population. This is because we choose what to think. People are choosing to discriminate and show prejudice to people of color which in no way shape or form is okay.

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